The Valuable Tools I've Learned

As I said in the previous post, there are many things I’ve learned over the course of this semester. But overall, I must say what I learned most from this course was how to view the conflicts I encounter and how to handle them also. Before I took this class, like many others, I had a negative view of conflict (something we’ve been hearing all semester). But after the first couple of readings we did, I learned real quick conflict is something that is inevitable and I had to learn how to deal with them rather than avoid them. When it comes to learning how to handle my conflicts better, I felt learning how to view my conflicts came hand-in-hand with this. Once I learned how to view them, I was able to handle them much better. The S-TLC system was probably what helped me the most. This system was something I was able to put to use in every one of my conflicts and I feel is something that will help me in the near future when it comes to all my relationships. This class was very helpful and I’m glad I was able to take part in this course, by far one of the most informative and entertaining classes I’ve been in at SJSU. 

Comm 115 Experience

There are so many things I can say when it comes to liking this class. But overall I must say what I liked most about this class was the knowledge we gained out of this course that we could use in real life. My experience at San Jose State, and in school general, was that I would learn the material but only to be able to pass, after the semester what I learned would go straight out my head. With this course I felt I was learning with every assigned reading, project, and what my classmates posted on their blog’s. I really felt this course was worthwhile. The only weakness I could think of is that probably at the start of the semester we could have had a little more time to start our posts, because people may not have access to the book yet for various financial reasons, like me. But, overall I loved this course and I would definitely recommend it to other students. Because I know everyone could benefit from what we’ve learned thus far in the semester. 

Negative View of Conflict

I feel people have negative views of conflict because of their past experiences of being in a conflict. I know before I took this class I didn’t really understand conflict and I was like most people. I associated conflict with negativity because the result of all the ones I’ve been in. Also I feel people view it negatively because they don’t know how to handle them, and because of that the conflict ends with a bad result. If people knew more about not just conflict but also how to handle them, then I feel they would not have such a negative view of it or be fearful when in the midst of one. If they could learn how to approach a conflict and resolve their matters with others in a more positive way, they would be so uneasy when they’re in a conflict. It’s working for me, so I believe it can work for them to, because I was once in their shoes. 

Uncertainty Theory

The one concept that stood out to me in this week’s reading was the Uncertainty Theory. The book states that this theory occurs in a conflict situation when we have insufficient information to understand another’s motives, goals, or behaviors or when we do not understand how another is responding to us. This concept stood out to me, I can see in many of my conflicts where this is what took place. As I always talk about, this has happened probably in most of my conflicts with my roommates. Sometimes I infer things about others I am in conflict with and handle the situation completely wrong from there. Most of the time when it comes to me and this theory, I have said or done things that were detrimental to the relationship of the person I am in the conflict with. For example, after calling my roommate dirty, we had an awkwardness between us for a few days. I understand now form this theory that sometimes I have to look at a problems as a whole, and not jump to inferences based on unclear issues. 

Chapter 10

When I do an internet search using the terms forgiveness, reconciliation, and revenge many different sites pertaining to religion, and counseling services appear. For example, when I use the term forgiveness I found sites about Christianity view on forgiveness, how forgiveness is healthy, and counseling services to help individuals forgive. When I used the term reconciliation I also I found sites about different religions such as, Islam and Catholicism perspective on reconciliation, the meaning of reconciliation, the movie, and gossip about celebrities reconcile relationships. Moreover, when I used the term revenge I found sites about movies and shows with the word revenge, the definition of revenge, and news about individuals getting revenge. Out of all the terms, forgiveness produced the most results. I think forgiveness had the most results, because it is prevalent throughout our world, heavily practiced in religion, and there many services and people who offer their views on forgiveness and healthy ways to forgive.

Attributions

Making false attributions is something I feel we do all the time amongst ourselves. I can’t seem to remember the last time I did so and it exacerbated a conflict, but I do know there a certain situations where they come up in my daily life. For example, when me and my roommates place wagers on video games. When it comes to this situation no one wants to lose in the game or their money. So there are times when the loser, sometimes being myself, will say things like “you cheated” or “you only one because of….”. None of these has ever escalated into a serious conflict though. Another example is when two of my other roommates and I have a problem with our fourth roommates cleaning habits. Sometimes we give excuses like “he’s too hard headed to talk to” because we feel since he doesn’t clean after we tell him he must be. On the other hand I do believe there are times where attributions can be accurate and helpful at the same time. For example, when you notice someone is short tempered or gets angry quite fast. Sometimes in a situation like this one might feel that this person is very short tempered; therefore saying things like “I can’t work with you because you have no patience”. 

Forgiveness

For this week the idea that stood out to me was forgiveness. For me, forgiveness is very important. Not only to give to others, but also for others to be able to forgive me too. I want to believe that I am a forgiving person but sometimes, especially during a conflict, I understand I may be a little hypocritical and not quick to forgive others. I tend not to let things get to me and if they do I try not to let them linger as a problem for too long. So when it comes to forgiveness, if I catch myself not giving it to others I try my best to let it go and understand people make mistakes. Also as a Christian I believe it is morally correct to forgive others as God forgives you. But there are some instances, like that of my uncle’s which I briefly talked about in my last post, where forgiveness becomes quite hard to give. I do feel one day may be able to forgive him, but as for now I don’t think I’m ready. Other than this instance, as I said before I try to be forgiving; because for me if you forgive others it easier for them to forgive you.